May

I’ve jokingly said (ok, and with some seriousness) that I am going to erase the month of May from the calendar this year. I know this will be the hardest month. I can feel it coming. Benjamin was due in May. May 16th. That’s 4 weeks from this coming Monday. 3 weeks until he would have been delivered via C-section. We would have already scheduled his birth by now. We would have known when we would have gotten to see him, hold him. But that day isn’t going to come. We have already gotten to hold him, for such a brief time. My arms ache for him. So many emotions are going through my brain, my heart. Seriously, this is so hard. Some days I get so tired of being strong. I want to be weak. I want to be carried. But, I know that is not my personality. I’m a time to put on the big girl panties and deal with life type of person. I know that can be a good thing, but it can also be very bad. All I can say is keep praying for us. We need them.

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